YOUNG AND IN THE MILITARY (The Girlfriend Perspective): GIRLFRIEND BASICS

Note: I may earn money or products from the companies, products, or links mentioned in this post.

If you have kept up with my “young in the military” series, then you might have remembered the first three parts:

• Young and in the Military: Starting Out
• Young and in the Military: Getting Settled
• Young and in the Military: Making Friends

Now I am adding this last post to the series about basic things I think girlfriends should know. I do not claim to be an expert in any of the topics I talk about in these posts, but I do talk about things that have helped me along the way, and I hope they are helpful to you!

Girlfriend Basics:

These are in no way inclusive, and I would love to hear your input about what you would tell future girlfriends!

1. The Dreaded "D"  Word...

Deployments are NOT the End of the World! My boyfriend is currently Deployed to Europe. I won't go into detail due to OPSEC (Operation Security). I am also a sophomore in college. I am definitely scared but as time goes on I adjust. It is okay to feel sad but make sure you don't cut yourself off from the rest of the world just because they are gone. Get a job, go to school, write letters, make care packages, etc. etc. etc.....Just stay busy. Our relationship grew so much more than I ever thought in the ten months we were apart.

2. Communication

Every situation I know is different. With my boyfriend being deployed we are unable to talk every day, this IS something being with a military man I had to get used too and understand. Whether or not your SO is deployed, in basic training, or on base most military members are not always on there phones or able to reply right away. Every military job is demanding and can be stressful.

3. Educate Yourself.

Always learn about military life now instead of in the future. It's important to learn now so you can say you know a little bit about military life. "Learning things like rank, etiquette for military functions, etc. will help immensely when you visit your significant other or meet their work friends and higher ups."

4. Keep Busy!

I was never a person who liked doing nothing all day long. It's okay to think about and miss your SO, just not every day, all day. Keeping yourself busy can make time and days go by so much quicker. I am in college and almost immediately I got a job working the time away while my boyfriend is gone. I am still having good and bad times, days where I cry all day. Then I started doing more. Volunteer, work out, go to church, travel....the ideas are endless!

5. A Little Love Goes a Long Way

"Since long distance relationships can make it difficult to communicate. Even a simple text that they may not receive until hours later can go a long way. Love doesn't always have to be some grand gesture."

6. Supportive Clothing

Most girlfriends LOVE supporting her man, I know I do. I will say you don't have to wear certain things because others do. It's you body wear what you want, whenever you feel like it.

7. Travel!

Saving your money IS worth it, trust me! "Saving money to go visit your SO is 1000% worth it if you can make it work. I didn't think I would visit half of the places I would visit in the last few years. It almost makes the distance worthwhile.....almost."

YOUNG AND IN THE MILITARY (The Girlfriend Perspective): MAKING FRIENDS

Note: I may earn money or products from the companies, products, or links mentioned in this post.

I have honestly been wanting to write a post about making friends who are also in the military as a  girlfriend myself. How do you make friends, either civilian or military? This is definitely a post everyone can learn from civilian or military. I want a post like this to be able to help both people, but especially military girlfriends, because (hopefully becoming a wife) they PCS so much.

I recently started a support group on Facebook for girlfriends to wives who are looking for friends or networking throughout Illinois. I am growing it (or trying to) through my blog. Hopefully I will be expanding to other places for growth. One of the things I love hearing a support groups is that it is a safe place to share your feelings with everyone in the group and that it is not ever discussed outside of the group. This always surprises me, and I hope that these tips can help other girlfriends who feel the same way.

Making Friends:

"I have found that the key to making friends is that you have to be a friend first. Even if you are the newbie and have no idea what you may be doing, sometimes you have to take the first step! I know some ladies are shy, and let me tell you I used to be one of the shyest girls, but when I went to college I had to get past it and learn to make friends. That has helped me a lot and prepared me for military life. Sometimes I still find it hard to take that first step, but every time I have, I have found it so worth it!"

1. Join a Support Group

I think I have mentioned this in every part of the “Young and in the Military” series so far, but it is so important, and a big help! Look online for military girlfriend support groups. A lot of times once you join you will find other ladies like you who are also looking for support through the military life.

2. Volunteer

Here in Springfield, Illinois we have the reserves and the national guard pretty close. So volunteering at the local shops or with any volunteer opportunity to get close to other soldiers or their base is a great way to learn about military life. Plus I wanted something to do and I knew volunteering would be something that would be helpful and keep me busy. I went to the Family Readiness Center (online) and found out what areas on the base needed volunteers. I ended up volunteering at the Center itself, making pillow cases for children with deployed parents, and doing other odds and ends jobs.

3. Join a Girlfriends Group on Facebook

I know I have mentioned this before in other parts of this series, but this is one thing that has been a big help to me. The group gets together every once in a while and goes out to eat or meets for ice cream or something. It’s a great way to meet friends and it is how I met almost every single one of my friends here. You can also post on the group that you are looking for a work-out buddy a walking buddy, or even just a play date with the kids. A friend of mine posted about working out and we met at the local gym (before my wheelchair) to work out several times a week, and now that we have gotten to know each other we are great friends! Usually there will always be someone else who has the same interests as you, so why not speak up!

To read the rest of this series, click here:

• Young and in the Military: Getting Started
• Young and in the Military: Getting Settled
• Young and in the Military: Girlfriend Basics

YOUNG AND IN THE MILITARY (The Girlfriend Perspective): GETTING SETTLED

Note: I may earn money or products from the companies, products, or links mentioned in this post.

Starting out:

When I first got together with my best friend (now boyfriend) he was a Marine in the US Marine Corps, "I had no idea what that would mean for me. I had no idea what military life was like, and knew nothing about the military in general. Since, I knew this was going to be my new life, I wanted to find out as much as I could about it." Here are a few things that I did and that I recommend to get started:

1. What it means for the girlfriend

As a girlfriend we are not able to do or get certains things a spouse can. But don't let that intimidate you because being a girlfriend is just as important as being a wife. Meaning girlfriends are unable to live on base, have a military I.D, and the SO usually lives in the barracks. I'm not sure how true this is so you may have to look into this, some SO's and their girlfriends can live together OFF post. If this is an option for the base "looking around online at houses in the area where my boyfriend was going to be stationed. We weighed the pros and cons of buying a house and moving into an apartment. Depending on what your situation is, it will be different for each family. If you read the first part of my series Young and in the Military: Getting Started, then you know that I suggested joining a support group or a military girlfriends group in your area or on Facebook. If you have done this, start asking questions of the wives/girlfriends who live in the area you are moving to and find out the best places to live."

2. Being there

My boyfriend right now, is based a few states away from me. So know your significant other may not always be there when important or big events happen. For example anniversaries, birthdays, births, graduations, etc. I realize I may not have my boyfriend physically with me during big events, I can always call, video chat, or text him though. So then I know he is here in spirit. I realize some girlfriends are going through a deployment or their significant other has field training, under these circumstances the rules then change. We have to be ready for these things...

3. Everything can change...

Always be ready for things to change. Not being family means even to write or email your significant other sometimes you have to contact family for this information. Also, know everything can change on a moments notice be sure to cherish EVERY. LITTLE. MOMENT. especially time together. If you have children together be sure to take care of them and yourself, your significant other will most likely never tell you that but you have to always be strong for your family.

To read the rest of this series, click here:

• Young and in the Military: Getting Started
• Young and in the Military: Making Friends
• Young and in the Military: Girlfriend Basics

YOUNG AND IN THE MILITARY (The Girlfriend Perspective): GETTING STARTED

Note: I may earn money or products from the companies, products, or links mentioned in this post.

Starting out:

When I first got together with my best friend (now boyfriend) he was a Marine in the US Marine Corps, "I had no idea what that would mean for me. I had no idea what military life was like, and knew nothing about the military in general. Since, I knew this was going to be my new life, I wanted to find out as much as I could about it." Here are a few things that I did and that I recommend to get started:

1. Join a Support Group

There are even resources for the GIRLFRIEND, you just have to find them. Ask military wives/husbands also most often they are willing to help. Joining a support group even if it is online can help you make friends with other girlfriends even wives/husband whose significant other is in the military. Everyone in these groups are willing to give advice or answer any questions you have either about military life or a specific branch. when your SO deploys, having a support group is very helpful and you can always lean on them in a time of need, and give ideas about care packages and staying busy when your SO is away. "Here are four different support groups online, that are meant to help, encourage, and get you through.

• Christian Military wives
• Wives of Faith
• Faith Deployed
• Military Issued Girlfriends (Also for fiances and wives)

These aren't the only groups online to find, there is so many more on Facebook to look at, I just think these four are really really sites (other wives have recommended) to get you started. I know some bases have FRG's (Family Readiness Groups) but us girlfriend don't get that privledge of using. Although, if you have friends or maybe even military family you can always talk to them. Most likely they will be the ones who have “been there done that” and will be able to help you and answer your questions.

2. Learn more about where you're SO is at

As soon at my boyfriend told me where his base was, I got right online and googled everything I could to find out about it and their city around it. I found the main website for the base, I looked for a website about local activities and things to do, I looked for pictures of the area. I also looked for a girlfriends groups online that were specifically related to that base.

When you learn what base your SO is going to be stationed at, try to find out as much as you can. Google your base name and see what websites it will come up with. Also switch over to pictures and see if you can view pictures of the base or the area.

Another way to find out more about your SO's base. Is to go onto the social networking sites and find a girlfriends groups that are associated with the base. Do a search on:

Facebook
Twitter

What should you search for? When searching on these sites there are a few things you can enter in:

1. Try searching just your SO's base name.
2. Try searching “girlfriends” at “his base name.”
3. Try searching “SO's” at “his base name.”
4. Try searching for girlfriends in your boyfriend’s specific unit or squadron.

I have searched for numerous bases on these sites, and have yet to find any without any significant other groups or groups at all. If you do not come across any on the site of your choice, make one! I found several groups on myspace that were helpful, but because I did not care for Myspace I looked on Facebook.

What kind of questions do you ask when you join a spouses or SO group? When you join one of these groups associated with your base, ask whatever questions you want. Some popular ones are:

• What is the base like?
• What is the surrounding area like?

I’m sure, if you are like me there are tons of other questions you can come up with, but these are just a few to get you started. These groups can be very helpful and are a great way to meet new friends!

To read the rest of the series click here:

• Young and in the Military: Getting Settled
• Young and in the Military: Making Friends
• Young and in the Military: Girlfriend Basics

A Day in the Life of a Military (Pre)Wife

As a military girlfriend of any branch it is always difficult because you can't just pick up and leave to go see your SO. Sometimes, you can but usually they have to ask for leave or time off, which they may not always get.

My day usually starts off with texting my boyfriend when I wake up 'Good morning. I hope you have a wonderful day' is the first text I send. He doesn't usually reply most of the day because he is 7 hours ahead of me. I usually send a few texts, selfies, and snaps throughout the day, letting him know I'm thinking about him.

I have classes starting at 10 am every day and get lunch and go to whatever appointments I have throughout the day. He is great with understanding I have homework and class work to study when my day  ends at 3.

After I finish eating and go lay down we talk until well after midnight, some nights we even FaceTime. We talk about our lives, whats happening, and making sure he knows he is loved. Then we get up the next day and do it all over again.

The weekends are different. Because I don't have school, we can talk more at night. The hard part of me is realizing he is in the Eastern Hemisphere so when I'm usually awake he is asleep. So my weekends consist of pjs, the couch, and movies usually. But if I stay up late texting Calvin, I don't usually wake up until late morning/early afternoon.

Whats a day in your life like? Any similarities? Differences?

Deployment Diaries

Life is a struggle, a rollercoaster of emotions during deployment. You have good days, but along with that you also have your bad days.

Having a way to express your feelings is a beneficial way to balance emotions, and to write down exactly what you're going through while keeping everything private. Starting a deployment diary is extremely easy, and very effective.

Creating a deployment diary is not very costly, and doesn't take much energy, or time. This makes everything very perfect, for whatever your daily duties are, a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, fiance/fiancee.

WHAT IS A DEPLOYMENT DIARY?

It’s simply a notebook you create for yourself to record feelings and events during your spouse’s deployment. The best part is you can use it however you want – maybe you want to record all the memorable little things from your day to share with your spouse, or maybe you want to use it as a personal vent space where you can share your feelings. It’s totally up to you.

WHAT IS HAPPENING DURING HIS DEPLOYMENT?

My boyfriend Calvin, was deployed about a week ago to Germany then Afghanistan in about a month. I'm hoping he is back in at least 2-3 months. We started dating in July of 2017, he went into the Marines at 17.This is his third deployment to Afghanistan, but this will be my second deployment with him, as I am still pretty new to  the Marine Corps life. During his first deployment, Calvin and I were friends, we became pen-pals. Although, he did tell me about his girlfriend and his son back home. While my view maybe different from others I'm still here with him now.

He just got into Germany today, he then goes to Afghanistan in a month.. I'm assuming there getting everyone prepared for it. Before he left I saw him a lot, now it is already feeling like it's been too long. For the most part, everything has gone pretty okay. We are so blessed to live in an age of technology where texting, phone calls, and FaceTime can keep us connected despite the distance. We don’t have to rely on snail mail to give updates — although we do still send the occasional hand-written love letter. Despite the 4,212 miles and 7 hour time difference, we still get to talk every day and for that I am so thankful.

I would also go through any deployment if it meant I get to be in a relationship with Calvin. His love is worth any obstacle…

I do hope however that the next BIG text message he has to send me — is that he is coming home <3

UPDATE:He came home a month later for reasons he didn't explain. I am happy though!

A Girl Willing to Wait an Eternity to be With Her Marine

Never in my life did I think I’d become a Marine girlfriend. I didn’t think I could handle the distance, the long periods of time apart, the having to put your trust in someone thousands of miles away and all the heartache that comes with all of that.

But a couple months ago, I began talking to someone (again) I never thought would find me attractive or want to try being an us. He is the boy version of me and the best parts of me too. However there are qualities (amazing ones at that) I do not have. However, he just so happened to be deployed within a week of re-enlistment after I had met him and I made the conscious decision to stand by him throughout his journey.

After that, I became immersed in everything military. I spent endless hours googling and wondering what to expect and what happens with all of this. Throughout my searching I found this quote: “A military girlfriend is just a wife in waiting. No one would go through this if they weren’t in it for the long haul.”

But as I continued to look on the internet a lot of what I found were blogs and support groups for wives and moms (which don’t get me wrong is great) however if women are that dedicated to their boyfriends to be a military girlfriend then why the hell are there barely any blogs or support groups for them? So, I’ve created this blog for all the military girlfriends who need everything from care package ideas to emotional support and everything in between.