Not many people know I have a mental illness. I try to keep upbeat and happy here, so I never really got into it, but I was brushing things off and I need to be real with y'all for a minute.
I wasnt just feeling down or overwhelmed, I was depressed. I learned the hard way that depression can happen to anyone - even if your life looks perfect from the outside. My life felt like it was going in a downward spiral and there was nothing I could do about it.
It all started when my first love and I broke up and it went out of control from there. I was heartbroken and upset most of the time, and I became someone I didn't recognize. I'd always prided myself in being optimistic and upbeat, but much mind quickly shifted and I found myself thinking unusually dark thoughts.
My mind would go from think I'm not good enough, no one cared about me, to wishing that was the case so I could disappear without hurting anyone in the matter of minutes; and I could feel the old me slipping away.
Life went on like that for the betr part of my first semester of my freshman year but finally I had a very public breakdown and had someone tell me: "Hey, what you're feeling is not normal and you deserve to be happy, you just need to get help."
Somehow I had managed to brainwash myself into thinking that what was happening in my head was OKAY and something that happened to everyone. I didn't think I needed help until I got it, and things are slowly getting better everyday.
At the time I had no realization on me changing or how serious things got. Being better now, I realize I should have gotten help quicker. I'm sure there's many people dealing h with this same things I am still dealing with.
I not 100% back where I was or even back to 'normal' but I am getting closer and heading in the right direction and all that's from feeling alone and vuneralable. If you're down about yourself please don't let it go crazy out of control as I did.
Please talk with a professional. Or just anyone willing to help, let them know how you are feeling. Plus, college students here are a ton of different resources to help.
Quickly, I am taking the summer off to care for my mental health. I didn't start making any big progress until I made this decision, and even though this was never part of my life plan (or the plan anyone in my life had for me) it is something I feel that I really need to do in order to keep my life in check.
In the meantime, I am going to be putting more time and energy into blogging and I'm looking for volunteer work to be able to give back which excites me! I am excited to use the next months to heal and grow as a person!
I wasnt just feeling down or overwhelmed, I was depressed. I learned the hard way that depression can happen to anyone - even if your life looks perfect from the outside. My life felt like it was going in a downward spiral and there was nothing I could do about it.
It all started when my first love and I broke up and it went out of control from there. I was heartbroken and upset most of the time, and I became someone I didn't recognize. I'd always prided myself in being optimistic and upbeat, but much mind quickly shifted and I found myself thinking unusually dark thoughts.
My mind would go from think I'm not good enough, no one cared about me, to wishing that was the case so I could disappear without hurting anyone in the matter of minutes; and I could feel the old me slipping away.
Life went on like that for the betr part of my first semester of my freshman year but finally I had a very public breakdown and had someone tell me: "Hey, what you're feeling is not normal and you deserve to be happy, you just need to get help."
Somehow I had managed to brainwash myself into thinking that what was happening in my head was OKAY and something that happened to everyone. I didn't think I needed help until I got it, and things are slowly getting better everyday.
At the time I had no realization on me changing or how serious things got. Being better now, I realize I should have gotten help quicker. I'm sure there's many people dealing h with this same things I am still dealing with.
I not 100% back where I was or even back to 'normal' but I am getting closer and heading in the right direction and all that's from feeling alone and vuneralable. If you're down about yourself please don't let it go crazy out of control as I did.
Please talk with a professional. Or just anyone willing to help, let them know how you are feeling. Plus, college students here are a ton of different resources to help.
Quickly, I am taking the summer off to care for my mental health. I didn't start making any big progress until I made this decision, and even though this was never part of my life plan (or the plan anyone in my life had for me) it is something I feel that I really need to do in order to keep my life in check.
In the meantime, I am going to be putting more time and energy into blogging and I'm looking for volunteer work to be able to give back which excites me! I am excited to use the next months to heal and grow as a person!
