You Married a Man, Not a Military Uniform

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My boyfriend and I met when I was a freshman in college. When we began dating, I didn't know he was in the military until he told me about him being a Marine but I didn't think too hard about it. We were young, I was still in school and our careers (at that point in time) were not a hot topic.

Time went on, I graduated, began going to college (again) and my boyfriend was still talking about the military and was on deployment. Last year, he was considering re-enlisting but he was more than just talking about it, he re-enlisted for another 8 years and about to be deployed again.

I remember the feeling in the very beginning of being so damn proud (I still am). I wanted to tell everyone the day he got the ability to be re-enlisted into the United States Marine Corps. Back then, I didn’t have large fears about his career choice. I worried and had, what I would call a “normal range” of fear but not fear on a larger scale like you see with today’s climate.

One aspect that reigns true though, even today, is that time and time again military men seem to be lumpecally he ead into these generic categories.

I remember telling an old college roommate that my boyfriend had a career in the military, specifically a Marine. Her response: “Wow. You can’t live off that salary and doesn't the military have reputations for being rule breakers?” It infuriated me. I still remember what store and aisle we were standing in. How could she actually say that to me? How could she actually believe those generalizations?

For some of us, it is easy to go down that road. The road of generalization. We tend to hear and have all these generalizations thrown at us, but I am going to tell you a little secret: don’t believe them. I could have believed my roommate or let it “sink in”. But I didn’t. It made me mad but I knew it was not true. (Well, except for we all know you won’t be rich working in the military, but you can live off of it).

Just because your spouse is in the military, does not, let me repeat, does not mean that they will be X and do Y.

Why? Because you married a man, not the man in uniform.

The Military does not define him. Yes, it has a HUGE impact on his (and your) life, but it is not everything. You can not let it be everything.

Never lose sight

Never lose sight of who you married. Again, you did not marry the uniform. Being an enlisted military member is a career choice. You married a man. A man that gives his all to that career choice, yes. But if you keep focus on your relationship and don’t let it all those negative characteristics that seem to be tied to the military then you will be WAY better off.

It is time to start proving these generalizations wrong. Stop believing them. Stop lumping ALL military member's into one big negative category. Stop repeating them. Stop thinking them.

Now, I am not knocking REAL statistics & studies that are out there. I actually love stats and majored in journalism for my undergraduate degree. But we need to make it clear that a lot of what we hear are not statistics at all- they are generalizations or myths. We must break those myths down.

Remember who you married

arThink of the man you married. Why did you fall in love? What do you love about your relationship? What characteristics make your spouse right for you?

I bet a lot of your answers have nothing to do with your husband being in the military. (Despite being a hard worker). So, if that is the case then don’t go down the tunnel of believing that your spouse acts a certain way because he is in the military.

Don’t get me wrong- I think the military force has a heavy impact on our officer’s personalities and yes, they bring it home, but it can’t be a crutch. It can’t be the excuse given every time your military man doesn’t want to talk about something or has no time in his schedule to be with you.

What I’m saying is: a job in the military is not the end all, be all. There is MORE to your husband (or wife) than this career. It may be hard to see once in a while, but if you slow down, take the time to find it, then you might just like what you see.

The Ghosts of my Boyfriends Past

Hi folks!

 I dated a lot, and I dated a lot of creeps so it made it that much easier to know I had landed something great when Calvin rolled around.  Today is our anniversary eve and so I thought before I got all warm and gooey and gushy on you tomorrow I would first share with you the path I had to go down before I got to the marriage part.  Twasnt easy folks!

(Also, I feel like I should add the disclaimer that I did date some good guys as well, they just weren't right for me or the timing wasn't right, or basically I just needed to wait for Calvin.)

(Also, I am slightly aware that some ex boyfriends of mine may read my blog as it is very public.  If you think you see yourself in this post and you weren't aware your dating mistakes from years ago were going to be made public... Well, I'm sorry.  At least I'm not using your name?)

So... without further ado...  Dating horror stories!

#1:  THE HIDDEN RELATIONSHIP

I fell head over heels for a guy that couldn't done anything without his father's permission.  (This coming from me who needs a ride because she can't drive!)  We dated several months before my mom made us break-up and then again when I got into college. Whenever I tried to get him to come over to my house (instead of meeting at the roller rink) he always would make excuses as to why he can't. I found out later his father was quite controlling. I distinctly remember a Saturday night where we had a date planned at eight. I waited and waited. (This was my boyfriend at the time, too, not just some random dude.) I called and called.  Nothing. At about 8:00 I realized I'd been stood up and I went to bed mad as hell. The next day I heard nothing from him. About 3:00 in the afternoon I started to get worried that something had happened to him since I hadn't heard from him in 24 hours.  I called and he didn't answer but he texted back- said he was too afraid to call me. (I was 18 at the time- a little over the games.) Apparently he had gone to his mom's for dinner (yes, his mom's!) and then fallen asleep at her house for the rest of the night. Don't worry calling when you wake up and apologizing, much better to just ignore your girlfriend!

#2:  THE LIAR.

One summer I dated a boy for a few months who lived about 45 minutes from me.  Because of the distance we only saw each other one or two times a week.  What he did the other nights, I didn't know.  One night I was texting him wanting to hang out and he made up a bunch of excuses about stuff he had to do, but it was all very vague.  So we started texting from my friend's phone, saying we had seen him at a church activity the day before and he was rs break-uoueally cute and "she" was super interested in him.  He totally took the bait and was flirting like mad with the fake woman.  We then asked if he had plans tonight and he said "Nope, absolutely nothing!  Let's hang out."  I then texted him from my phone and sent the text verbatim that he had just sent to the mystery girl.  He knew we were on to him, and he never texted back.  EVER

#3 MR. JOBLESS.

My freshman year of college a boy asked me out via facebook message who I just thought was cute. OH BOY! I had never once talked to him.  He was awkward and shy. After talking to him for awhile I found out he didn't have a job. When I tried to be helpful and suggest some, he thought I was saying he wasn't good enough for me... So I dropped it. A while later I got an internship and was making money, he got mad because I didn't text back within 3 seconds on receiving it. So then because of that he broke up with me saying money is all that matters to me.

#4: THE YOU'RE-TOO BUSY.

He was a firefighter, had 3 jobs and just wouldn't ever want to talk about anything more than getting married (which I wanted but) and getting me pregnant like right now. I mean I did want those things but talking about it every day just never excited me. I only saw him once and we never really broke up either.

#5: THE MILITARY MAN.

We met on a dating site. He was overseas at the time. We started talking and figured I'd up and run when he told me he had a son and was in the military. Honestly, they didn't bother me at all. He did eventually ask me out (which took FOREVER I thought). We broke up for a year because of his ex-wife. We got back together though and he is serious about marrying me and having a future together. He finally got to kiss me too and it was about the dang sweetest first kiss I've ever had.  I've been kissing him ever since...