You Married a Man, Not a Military Uniform

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My boyfriend and I met when I was a freshman in college. When we began dating, I didn't know he was in the military until he told me about him being a Marine but I didn't think too hard about it. We were young, I was still in school and our careers (at that point in time) were not a hot topic.

Time went on, I graduated, began going to college (again) and my boyfriend was still talking about the military and was on deployment. Last year, he was considering re-enlisting but he was more than just talking about it, he re-enlisted for another 8 years and about to be deployed again.

I remember the feeling in the very beginning of being so damn proud (I still am). I wanted to tell everyone the day he got the ability to be re-enlisted into the United States Marine Corps. Back then, I didn’t have large fears about his career choice. I worried and had, what I would call a “normal range” of fear but not fear on a larger scale like you see with today’s climate.

One aspect that reigns true though, even today, is that time and time again military men seem to be lumpecally he ead into these generic categories.

I remember telling an old college roommate that my boyfriend had a career in the military, specifically a Marine. Her response: “Wow. You can’t live off that salary and doesn't the military have reputations for being rule breakers?” It infuriated me. I still remember what store and aisle we were standing in. How could she actually say that to me? How could she actually believe those generalizations?

For some of us, it is easy to go down that road. The road of generalization. We tend to hear and have all these generalizations thrown at us, but I am going to tell you a little secret: don’t believe them. I could have believed my roommate or let it “sink in”. But I didn’t. It made me mad but I knew it was not true. (Well, except for we all know you won’t be rich working in the military, but you can live off of it).

Just because your spouse is in the military, does not, let me repeat, does not mean that they will be X and do Y.

Why? Because you married a man, not the man in uniform.

The Military does not define him. Yes, it has a HUGE impact on his (and your) life, but it is not everything. You can not let it be everything.

Never lose sight

Never lose sight of who you married. Again, you did not marry the uniform. Being an enlisted military member is a career choice. You married a man. A man that gives his all to that career choice, yes. But if you keep focus on your relationship and don’t let it all those negative characteristics that seem to be tied to the military then you will be WAY better off.

It is time to start proving these generalizations wrong. Stop believing them. Stop lumping ALL military member's into one big negative category. Stop repeating them. Stop thinking them.

Now, I am not knocking REAL statistics & studies that are out there. I actually love stats and majored in journalism for my undergraduate degree. But we need to make it clear that a lot of what we hear are not statistics at all- they are generalizations or myths. We must break those myths down.

Remember who you married

arThink of the man you married. Why did you fall in love? What do you love about your relationship? What characteristics make your spouse right for you?

I bet a lot of your answers have nothing to do with your husband being in the military. (Despite being a hard worker). So, if that is the case then don’t go down the tunnel of believing that your spouse acts a certain way because he is in the military.

Don’t get me wrong- I think the military force has a heavy impact on our officer’s personalities and yes, they bring it home, but it can’t be a crutch. It can’t be the excuse given every time your military man doesn’t want to talk about something or has no time in his schedule to be with you.

What I’m saying is: a job in the military is not the end all, be all. There is MORE to your husband (or wife) than this career. It may be hard to see once in a while, but if you slow down, take the time to find it, then you might just like what you see.